Date: 9/30/2002
To: kitchen staff
Cc: other pitiful humans
From: Siesta, Eternal Princess of the Universe
RE: Dining choices
Priority:
A Princess demands a certain cuisine, fitting for her royal palette. In the old days, failure to provide adequate dining choices was punishable by beheading. Fortunately for you, I am a kinder, gentler Eternal Princess of the Universe who is incredibly patient (except when I’m NOT!!!). While the turkey and chicken treats occasionally satisfy my hunger, I hereby order the so-called “chef” to prepare finer dishes. I suggest Mouse Flambé or perhaps a nice Sparrow á l’Orange (did I mention that I like bird meat?). Lay off the spicy stuff though; I’m much too delicate for such Neanderthal food.
By the way, what is up with that chef??? She is obsessed with paws on the counter. Did someone do a background check on this human???
One more thing, that disgusting trough that I am forced to eat out of is filled with little tiny pieces of “cat food”. I only like the big chunks! Inform the girl-thing that she must clean the trough to rid it of the little pieces.
Yours in eternal royalty with disgust and loathing for all,
SIESTA
ETERNAL PRINCESS OF THE UNIVERSE